Ever feel held back by what others think?
A honest conversation about caring too much about what others think.
Letting Go of Self-Consciousness to Strengthen Our Relationship with Allah
We live in a world where we are constantly concerned about what others think of us. This worry can seep into every aspect of our lives, including our faith and worship, often without us realizing. Recently, I began going to the gym with the intention of improving my health for the sake of Allah, only to discover how much self-consciousness was holding me back. I found myself worrying about what people would think if I stayed on the treadmill for a short time, or if they noticed me listening to or reciting the Quran during my workout. This internal struggle made me reflect on how deeply this fear of others’ perceptions was impacting my actions — and more profoundly, my relationship with Allah.
The Cost of Caring About What Others Think
How often have we put off something important because we were worried about how people might perceive us? Whether it’s starting a new routine, like going to the gym, dressing more modestly, or making time for prayer, the fear of judgment can be paralyzing. It costs us time, opportunities, and growth. But more than that, it robs us of sincerity (ikhlas) in our actions for Allah.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said,
"Actions are but by intentions, and each man will have only what he intended..." (Bukhari and Muslim).
When we let others’ opinions dictate our actions, we are diluting the purity of our intentions. If our primary concern is how others perceive us, then we are not fully dedicating our efforts to Allah. This not only corrupts our deeds but also distances us from the true essence of tawakkul (trust in Allah).
How It Impacts Our Relationship with Allah
Caring too much about what others think can shift our focus from Allah to people. It’s as though we are giving more weight to the creation than to the Creator. Allah tells us in the Quran:
28:50
فَإِن لَّمْ يَسْتَجِيبُوا۟ لَكَ فَٱعْلَمْ أَنَّمَا يَتَّبِعُونَ أَهْوَآءَهُمْ ۚ وَمَنْ أَضَلُّ مِمَّنِ ٱتَّبَعَ هَوَىٰهُ بِغَيْرِ هُدًۭى مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يَهْدِى ٱلْقَوْمَ ٱلظَّـٰلِمِينَ ٥٠
So if they fail to respond to you, then know that they only follow their desires. And who could be more astray than those who follow their desires with no guidance from Allah? Surely Allah does not guide the wrongdoing people.
Our desires here may not always be sinful; sometimes they are simply the desire to fit in, to be liked, or to not stand out. Yet, these seemingly harmless inclinations can lead us away from the path of full reliance on Allah. The more we focus on others' opinions, the less we focus on our purpose, which is to worship Allah alone.
Have you ever held back from doing something beneficial for your deen (religion) because of what others might think? Perhaps you avoided wearing hijab or didn’t pray in public out of fear of judgment. These hesitations, though common, can lead to missed opportunities to strengthen our connection with Allah.
Overcoming the Fear of Judgment
1. Renew Your Intentions Constantly
The first step to overcoming self-consciousness is to frequently renew your intentions. Ask yourself: *Why am I doing this?* Whether it’s going to the gym or attending a gathering, remind yourself that your ultimate goal is to seek Allah’s pleasure. If your intention is sincere, the opinions of others lose their power over you.
As Allah says, 6:162
قُلْ إِنَّ صَلَاتِى وَنُسُكِى وَمَحْيَاىَ وَمَمَاتِى لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَـٰلَمِينَ ١٦٢
Say, “Surely my prayer, my sacrifice, my life, and my death are all for Allah—Lord of all worlds.
2. Strengthen Your Tawakkul
Place your trust in Allah rather than the fleeting opinions of people. People’s thoughts about you can change in an instant, but Allah’s knowledge of your heart and intentions is eternal.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised: “Whoever seeks the pleasure of Allah by the displeasure of people, Allah will suffice him against the people. Whoever seeks the pleasure of people by the displeasure of Allah, Allah will leave him to the patronage of the people.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 2414
This hadith serves as a powerful reminder that what truly matters is Allah’s opinion of us.
3. Remember Your Purpose
Every act, no matter how small, can be an act of worship if done with the right intention. Going to the gym with the intention of staying healthy for the sake of Allah is an act of worship. If we remember that our purpose is to please Allah, we will feel more confident in our choices. Reflect on the ayah:
51:56
وَمَا خَلَقْتُ ٱلْجِنَّ وَٱلْإِنسَ إِلَّا لِيَعْبُدُونِ ٥٦
I did not create jinn and humans except to worship Me.
This ayah serves as a reminder that all our actions should lead us back to this ultimate goal — the worship of Allah.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive Company
Seek out friends and environments that support your goals for the sake of Allah. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "A person is likely to follow the faith of his friend, so be careful about who you befriend"* (Abu Dawood). Surrounding yourself with people who encourage you to focus on Allah, rather than on societal pressures, will make a significant difference.
5. Practice Gratitude and Contentment
Finally, reflect on all the blessings Allah has given you. Often, self-consciousness arises from comparison — we compare ourselves to others in appearance, achievements, or lifestyle. But Allah has given each of us unique gifts. Focus on what you have, rather than what you don’t, and be grateful. Gratitude helps shift your perspective from what others think to what truly matters.
Moving Forward with Confidence in Allah
Reflect on this:
What opportunities have you missed because you were too worried about what others might think?
And how much more peaceful would your life be if you stopped giving their opinions so much power?
Ultimately, caring too much about others' perceptions can impact not just our worldly endeavors but also our spiritual journey. However, by renewing our intentions, placing our trust in Allah, and remembering our purpose, we can overcome these fears. Let your actions be driven by the desire to please Allah, and the opinions of others will naturally fall into the background. When you care less about how people view you and more about how Allah views you, you will find a deeper sense of peace and purpose.
Remember the words of the Prophet (peace be upon him): "If you put your trust completely in Allah, He will provide for you as He provides for the birds. They go out in the morning hungry and return full." (Tirmidhi). Place your trust in Allah, and you will find that He will guide you, fulfill your needs, and grant you contentment.
Closing Reflection
What areas of your life are impacted by the fear of judgment?
How can you shift your focus to Allah’s pleasure instead?
As you reflect on these questions, seek closeness to Allah, and let go of the fear that holds you back from fulfilling your true potential, both spiritually and in this world.
I would love to hear about your experiences. It helps me as a writer and a person to know I’m not alone in this struggle. What has your experience been? Comment below.
Much love 💕 and gratitude,
Nour Cauveren