Are you afraid? Me too!
I have been avoiding some things out of fear, and it taught me how weak my faith in Allah is.
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Joy and a sense of accomplishment, wrapped up in gratitude bubbled up as I finished the to-do list. Each item is a reminder of the tests I'd been avoiding for weeks, nay more like months, are figureoutable with the help of Allah.
The night I wrote out the list I said to myself: "Nothing is going to change until you trust Allah!" I practically shouted it at myself before tackling the first item on the list. The words hung heavy in the air, a truth both terrifying and liberating.
I realized the day before how much fear had been holding me back in my life. I used my bullet journal to write out a list of all the things I had been avoiding due to fear.
I entitled the list: Today you put your trust in Allah and face your fear.
Even the title illustrates how deeply the fear runs since I used second-person pronouns instead of the first person. It is a subconscious way of distancing yourself emotionally. And one that I only noticed when I was writing this article.
As I wrote out my list something amazing happened. Fireworks exploded right outside my window, painting the night sky with streaks of light. It was like a sign from Allah, and I felt His closeness to me. It strengthened me, my heart feeling that I can do this because Allah can. You see, fireworks outside of New Year's are strictly forbidden in the country I live in. I knew that Allah was letting me know He is near, I am not alone, and He is taking care of me.
Allah Loves You
I was facing the most difficult test of my life, a relentless storm of troubles unlike any I'd ever encountered. One day I will write about this period of my life, most likely a book, but for now, I want to let you know I was scared. The kind of fear that leaves you frozen, unsure of what to do.
Normally, I'm a resourceful problem-solver, a master of navigating life's choppy waters, Mashallah. This time, however, I felt utterly lost, adrift in a sea of despair, and as its currents tried to drown me, I knew that if I did not rely on Allah I would drown.
The tests in the form of calamity after calamity exposed my heart and made it abundantly clear that I was afraid, and that fear led to procrastination, a disease of the heart, and the only remedy, turning back to Allah.
I struggled to find the words to formulate a dua. My heart felt numb.
I closed my eyes and remembered the book of Accepted Prayers.
Calling Out to Allah
The dua of Musa (as):
فَسَقَىٰ لَهُمَا ثُمَّ تَوَلَّىٰٓ إِلَى ٱلظِّلِّ فَقَالَ رَبِّ إِنِّى لِمَآ أَنزَلْتَ إِلَىَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍۢ فَقِيرٌۭ ٢٤
So he watered ˹their herd˺ for them, then withdrew to the shade and prayed, “My Lord! I am truly in ˹desperate˺ need of whatever provision You may have in store for me.”[1]
— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran
[1] Moses left Egypt with no food, money, or even shoes. He was completely worn out by the time he arrived in Midian. After he prayed for help, Allah gave him a wife, a job, and a home on the same day.
This dua became my lifeline, and I repeated it over and over through those difficult days.
Have you ever felt so lost, so utterly broken, that even dua seemed out of reach? That's where I found myself – clinging to a single thread of hope, a desperate plea for Allah's mercy.
As my situation worsened I realized I would need the help of others. I reached out for help, knocking on countless doors. Some offered kind words, but the concrete support I needed remained elusive. In those moments, the weight of being an orphan hit me hard. The absence of my parents, their comforting presence in times of hardship, left a gaping hole in my heart.
But I still have Allah. Despite feeling alone in this world I knew in my heart I have Allah. And Allah sent me several reminders to remind me that He is both my Protector and Provider.
Allah’s Reminders are Everywhere
Allah sends us these reminders all the time, but we are often too preoccupied to notice.
These signs can be as small as someone giving you a seat on the bus when you are so tired and wondering how to can stand the entire journey home. I like to call them barakah moments. The more we notice them the stronger we will become during times of hardship.
Staring down at my list realizing this Allah has my back, something inside of me changed. Now I won’t tell you that I am fearless, far from it. But I know and constantly remind myself that Allah has my back.
Your Sworn Enemy
Fear is a sneaky thief; it steals our trust in Allah, and our sworn enemy feeds into that fear and whispers doubts in our ears, and paralyzes us from taking action. It makes us stay in loveless marriages, avoid opportunities, and even disobey Allah out of fear of judgment. Your enemy, Shaytan (Satan), uses your nefs against you to keep you from Allah.
I have heard a lot in the self-help industry about leaning into fear but honestly that too in my opinion is a deception from the Shaytaan. It falsely implies that you can overcome fear on your own. And you can’t!
Allah is the One in Charge
Here's the truth: nothing happens without Allah's permission. That dream job, your brilliant business idea, or even that special someone – none of it comes to fruition without Allah's will.
You can only overcome fear by the will of Allah and you need His divine help. In everything.
I heard a scholar once say that perhaps Allah tests us to draw us closer to Him.
For me, these trials, though difficult, have strengthened my tawwakul.
Until I wrote out the list of the things I had been avoiding out of fear, I didn’t realize I was fearful. It took a major test to help me face smaller fears, represented by the list. Most of the items on the list aren’t that serious, one is, and it took a major calamity, well one calamity after another, to help me realize my lack of tawwakul in everything.
This acknowledgment left me knowing that despite feeling lost and weak: Allah will provide a way out. That's what I've been clinging to, that unwavering tawwakul.
Allah is with you. He is always with you. You can do it because Allah can. It is okay to be afraid, to doubt yourself and your abilities, but never doubt Allah swt. He is your Protect, no one, and nothing can harm you without His permission.
Fear was a hurdle, hindering my connection with Allah. Tawakkul isn't an all-or-nothing proposition. It's like iman (faith) – it fluctuates. And that is okay.
Just keep on striving for the sake of Allah. Keep on turning back to Him, keep on calling out to Him in dua, and keep on moving! Allah has your back.
Coaching Question:
What have you been avoiding to do out of fear?
Write out a list and ask Allah’s help! Bismillah start with one thing on the list remember to praise Allah and thank Him, and keep on asking for His Help. And keep on moving forward one little step at a time!
You got this! Because Allah is with you!
Join My Chat
Recently I launched my chat here on substack and I would love to hear from you. You can join the chat by clicking below. I need you. I need to know what your struggles are, so I can give them a voice. Sunday Serenity is for you! Come and join me and let your voice be heard.
Much Love,
Nour Cauveren
We all need to work on purifying our hearts. We hear this all the time from our scholars but when I became a Muslim I had no idea how to purify my heart.
A series that helped me to understand how to purify my hearts is Heart Theraphy from Huda TV. Check it out and share it with others.