Are You Gaslighting Yourself?

Learning what your needs are and how to communicate them effectively!

Photo by Ilse Driessen on Unsplash

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Are You Gaslighting Yourself? Learning Your Needs and Communicating Effectively!

Have you ever felt like you're constantly questioning your own reality? Do you silence your inner voice or dismiss your feelings because someone else, or even a nagging inner critic, tells you they're wrong? This, my friends, could be a sign of self-gaslighting.

Self-gaslighting, much like the external manipulation we often hear about, can chip away at our confidence and inner peace. But just like any challenge, there's a path to overcoming it. This newsletter will guide you towards understanding your needs and communicating them effectively, all with a touch of wisdom from the Quran and Hadith.

Recognizing Self-Gaslighting:

• Diminishing Your Feelings: Do you tell yourself you're "overreacting" or "too sensitive" when you have a valid concern? The Quran reminds us that Allah created us with a full spectrum of emotions, and they all deserve to be acknowledged.

• Discounting Your Experiences: When you have a memory or perception, do you brush it aside because someone else insists it's not true? The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "The believer is always truthful and trustworthy" (Hadith - Sahih al-Bukhari 6082), emphasizing the importance of trusting your own experience. Sometime we allow others to gaslight or invalidate our experiences and then do it to ourselves. There are times when you need to challenge your own perception but other times when you need to trust your own experience and the more you trust yourself the easier it becomes to distinguish between situations.

• Ignoring Your Needs: Perhaps you prioritize others' needs over your own, leading to burnout and resentment. The Quran teaches us about establishing good between ourselves and our families (Quran 2:215), highlighting the importance of self-care as a foundation for healthy relationships.

  

  Photo by Maksym Ostrozhynskyy on Unsplash

Steps to Effective Communication:

• Identify Your Needs: Take time to reflect on what truly matters to you. What brings you joy and fulfillment? What boundaries do you need to feel safe and respected?

• "I" Statements: When expressing a need, use "I" statements to communicate your feelings clearly without accusation. For example, "I feel overwhelmed when..." is more effective than "You always..."

• Empathy and Respect: Remember, communication is a two-way street. Listen actively to the other person's perspective and approach the conversation with kindness, just as Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) embodied throughout his life.

Remember, Allah (SWT) created you with unique needs and desires. By honoring these needs and communicating them effectively, you build healthy relationships and cultivate a strong sense of self.

Coaching Prompts:

• Journal about your needs and how you can better express them.

• Practice "I" statements with a trusted friend or family member..

May Allah guide us towards self-compassion and healthy communication! Ameen

Much love,

Nour Cauveren

I recently have been going through an extremely difficult time and I felt very isolated and alone in my struggle. Of course I relied on Allah and repeated the dua from the Quran:

9:129

فَإِن تَوَلَّوْا۟ فَقُلْ حَسْبِىَ ٱللَّهُ لَآ إِلَـٰهَ إِلَّا هُوَ ۖ عَلَيْهِ تَوَكَّلْتُ ۖ وَهُوَ رَبُّ ٱلْعَرْشِ ٱلْعَظِيمِ ١٢٩

But if they turn away, then say, ˹O Prophet,˺ “Allah is sufficient for me. There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Him. In Him I put my trust. And He is the Lord of the Mighty Throne.”

— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

I found this very comforting but Allah swt also guided me to things that helped me to bounce back and start to journey of moving forward in a positive manner. One of the books Allah swt guided me to is : Healing Through Words, by Rupi Kaur. If you like to journal and you want to use prompts to help you on your healing journey this is the book for you. I have found it extremely valuable to express myself and it has also helped me to validate my own experiences and to build self trust.