I should be ahead by now?
I feel left behind and it makes me feel like a loser.
﷽
This week's Sunday Serenity newsletter is a bit different in format. Reflecting on a recent conversation with a friend who is facing challenges, the realization struck: how often do we feel the pressure to be farther along in life than we are? Inspired by this contemplation, I decided to pen a letter to my former self.
It's not just a letter to a younger version; it's a message to the former self – the one who grappled with doubt, harbored regrets, and self-criticism for not achieving perceived milestones. In this edition, we'll delve into one negative belief, explore two practical tips drawn from the wisdom of the Deen, and intertwine three coaching questions seamlessly into the narrative, InshaaAllah.
Join me on this introspective journey as we confront self-limiting beliefs, extract guidance from our faith, and pose coaching questions that invite thoughtful reflection and growth. Let's navigate through the complexities of our past selves with the hope of finding serenity and understanding in the present.
Stay tuned for a newsletter that bridges the personal with the universal, inviting you to explore the intricacies of your own journey.
Bismillah!
Dearest Nour,
I know life didn’t turn out as you planned. You didn’t have the six children you were sure you’d have, nor did you expect your parents to die young or that you’d not have your Ph.D. After all, you were at the top of your school, everyone had expectations of you, and you thought you’d be ahead by now. It feels like everyone is a success and miles ahead of you, and it kind of makes you feel like a loser.
But let’s break it down. What are you really saying when you say, “I should have been ahead by now”?
You’re negating all you’ve accomplished, giving it no or little value. And you’re holding yourself hostage to a I wish I had, should’ve, could’ve, really regret I didn’t, reality that isn’t part of Allah’s Plan.
You, my sister, are right where you’re supposed to be! Every decision you’ve made, good and bad, every mistake, every victory, the laughter, joy, heartache and tears, all the steps of your life that have led you to this moment in time were meant to happen.
The statement, "I should have been ahead by now," should be, "Alhamdu’lillah, I’m right where I need to be."
But…that’s not where you’re meant to stay.
When you focus on what isn’t and what never was, nor was meant to be, you lose focus and balance and risk staying stuck.
Just because you are right where you are meant to be now doesn’t mean you like that place or need to stay there. Or maybe it is so awesome you got comfortable and afraid to move forward into the unknown. But isn’t every day unknown?
Recently I found myself exclaiming, "I’m living my best life!" It was a feeling that I blurted out to myself in utter bliss. Sitting at my desk, reading The Sirah of the Prophet (saw), I was living my best life.
But that doesn’t mean life is easy! It’s hard many days; I won’t say most, but it does at times feel that way.
The moment I allow myself to be grateful to my Lord for where I am, and where He has brought me, I open myself up to many more blessings. Remember what Allah has told us in the Quran?
14:7 وَإِذْ تَأَذَّنَ رَبُّكُمْ لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ ۖ وَلَئِن كَفَرْتُمْ إِنَّ عَذَابِى لَشَدِيدٌۭ ٧
And ˹remember˺ when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’” — Dr. Mustafa Khattab, the Clear Quran
Negativity breeds ingratitude and leads to more negativity, which in itself is a possible punishment (Allah knows best).
But positivity and gratitude breed more positivity and more gratitude, opening us up to so many blessings. Alhamdulillah.
This week, keep a little gratitude journal; mine I call my Alhamdu’lillah journal. Since I started writing in it, wow! Allah has made it easy for me to carry on; I feel that ease He promised in the Quran during hardship!
Today I am grateful to Allah for the Daily Gratitude Telegram group my friend Julie started and it is open to all sisters (women ONLY). I love reading the sisters gratitude list and the love they express for Allah and adding my own daily.
Sis, what are you grateful to Allah swt for?
Allah is the Best of Planners.
The sirah (biography of the Prophet Mohammad saw) is full of planning, but what we must never lose sight of is to plan for our akhira (hereafter).
Make a list of how you intend to get to Jannatul Firdaus? Yes, we will only enter by the Mercy of Allah, but how will you plan for your final destination, Jannatul Firdaus InshaaAllah?
I’ve got three questions I want to leave you with:
Who are you entering into Ramadan? May Allah allow us all to reach Eid and may He accept our ibadah, ameen.
Who do you want to be after Ramadan, the plan for Jannatul Firdaus?
What do you need to do to achieve your goal of being that person?
Embrace your journey, for Allah is the Best of Planners. As you plan and take action, remember, that He controls the outcome. No matter what happens, be grateful and strive each day for the sake of Allah.
Much love 💕,
Nour Cauveren (right where I should be Alhamduliah!)
Join the conversation I am having with friends like you in the Chat section. Here are some of the comments and all I can say is I feel so inspired! Click here to join the chat!
From childhood dreams to the concrete reality of writing a book, my journey has been transformed by the guiding words of my writing coach and the embracing community of the Muslim Writers Salon (MSW). As I pen down my thoughts, I reflect on the profound impact of these experiences.
In the solitude of writing, a once daunting journey became a shared odyssey. I host and attend co-writing sessions, weaving connections that keep my pen moving and my heart stirred. Before, I felt like an imposter, a mere pretender to the title of 'writer.' The weight of unfulfilled potential left me drowning in shame and guilt.
Then came the pivotal moment during a coaching session with
one of the co-founders of MSW when the words echoed, "Remember Nour, you are right where you are meant to be. Allah’s Plan is the best plan." It was as if a heavy burden was lifted, and for the first time, I felt genuine in my pursuit. The guilt transformed into gratitude, and the shame into strength. I felt like she was saying to me what I had been waiting for someone to say my entire life and it was as if I had been given permission to give myself permission. Can you relate?This emotional metamorphosis is the essence of my writing journey. To any aspiring writer reading this, perhaps grappling with your own doubts, do not to let the weight of insecurity hold back your pen. Like
the other co-founder of MSW says, blessings on your pen!The Muslim Writers Salon has been my sanctuary, a space where dreams are nurtured, doubts dispelled, and pens find their purpose. Walahi I am teary eyed right now and my heart is swelling with gratitude, alhamduliah. If you've ever felt the tug of unfulfilled writing aspirations, don't wait. The doors are open until February 29th.
It is a space filled with aspiring writers, published authors, and those who love weaving words into a living legacy.
Invest in yourself, in your craft. You deserve the love, support, and community that can propel your writing to new heights. Join us in shaping stories, sharing dreams, and embracing the journey. Allah’s plan is unfolding, and you are right where you need to be.
May Allah swt give you peace, blessings and closeness to Him ameen.
Loved this! It is so easy to feel down about not being where we had once imagined. And I love the question "Who are you entering into Ramadan?"
Who do you (I) want to be after Ramadan, the plan for Jannah?
That gives me something to really consider. Not only who I was as I went into Ramadan but who I want to be after. This gives me a goal. Kind of when someone once told me to make a goal of being a woman of Jannah. When we look at these goals they seem so lofty, so farfetched or some may say they aren't goals because they don't fit the current S.M.A.R.T matrix. It reminds me that we are people of process. It's like deciding on who you want to be and then developing a system to become that person. So, changing your habits becomes part of the process to become the person you envision.
I also like the reminder that when we say why aren't we where we think we should be, we are diminishing who we are currently and the accomplishments we have along our current journey. Those accomplishments are important to who we are as individuals today and our experiences are valuable Alhamdulillah.
Jazakilllahu khair