Purify Your Thoughts: The Inner Battle You Don’t See
Back to Basics - PAUSE FRAMEWORK
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If you’ve been journeying with me through the PAUSE Framework, you’ll remember where we left off.
We had moved from Purify—clearing our surroundings, our digital worlds, and our minds—to Anchor, where we began learning how prayer, remembrance, and presence tie us back to Allah through the rhythm of daily life.
We paused at Week 2 of Anchor.
And if you’re just joining us, you can revisit the earlier reflections here:
Purify the Space Around You → [link]
Purify the Digital World → [link]
Purify the Mind → [link]
Purify what now → [link]
And then continue on from there…
But this week, I’m circling back. Because as I was preparing a workshop on Rahma—mercy and self-compassion—for the Deen & Chai Sisterhood Saturday, I realized something profound.
During Season 6 of Deen and Chai’s Sisterhood Saturdays, we’ve explored emotions through the lens of tadabbur Quran, and I found myself reflecting on how many women spoke about negative self-talk: the quiet, looping phrases that chip away at the heart.
It made me pause.
I began to wonder, Why don’t I experience that anymore?
I had already written about this last week, but I feel the need to share how I overcame negative self-talk, framed within the story of Mayya.
So Bismillah.
The Call from Maya
The late afternoon sun dancing across my desk when my phone rang. Maya’s name flashed on the screen. I could tell from the pauses in her voice that she’d been crying.
“Nour,” she said, “I just left the school. They told me my daughter is behind in reading. They said she’s struggling. I feel like a terrible mother.”
Her words came in bursts, as if her mother’s heart was struggling to continue beating.
“I’m failing her. I’m failing them. I can’t keep up with the house, with work, with the older girls’ needs. I’m not enough. I never have been.”
I listened quietly, the silence between giving room for her to think. I could hear her inhale, sharp and trembling.
“You know what’s worse?” she continued. “I caught myself saying out loud—‘You can’t do anything right.’ It just slipped out. Like my own voice turned against me.”
There it was.
The spiral that starts small and expands until it fills the mind with static.
“Maya,” I said softly.
She was silent. So I continued.
“Do you remember how negative I used to talk to myself when we first met?
“No,” she whispered.
“Think back! I was so hard on myself.” I paused, giving room for silent reflection.
“Oh yes, I now remember. It’s been so long. But how…Nour, how did you become so grounded?”
“I got tired of the negative self-talk. And it was messing with my head and I felt so distant from Allah and disconnected from myself and others,” I paused. “
I made a niyyah—a strong, unwavering intention—to purify my thoughts for the sake of Allah. That’s the beginning of all healing. You start with niyyah.”
“But how?” Maya asked. “How do you change what your mind automatically says?”
I smiled because I remembered asking myself the same question.
“By du’a,” I said. “Every single time you catch yourself in a negative thought, you stop, and you ask Allah to help you.
You say: “Ya Allah, purify my heart and my tongue from words that harm me. Replace them with words that please You, Ameen.”
I used to do that all day long—whispering du’a between breaths. At first, I was shocked by how many times I caught myself. I counted once—fifty negative phrases in a single day.”
Maya exhaled, almost laughing in disbelief.
“Fifty?”
“Yes,” I said. “But here’s what I realized. Each time I caught one, I wasn’t failing. I was healing. Awareness is mercy. Allah shows us what to clean before He gives us peace.”
Neuroscience Meets Revelation
“You know I study the brain,” I continued. “And Subhanallah, neuroscience confirms what the Quran already taught us.
Our thoughts reshape our brains. Whatever we repeat—whether negative or grateful—carves new neural pathways. What we feed the mind, it becomes.”
“So my brain is learning these negative patterns?” Maya asked.
“Exactly. It’s called neuroplasticity. But Allah told us long before science did.”
“And when your Lord proclaimed: ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.’”
— Surah Ibrahim (14:7)
“We often quote only the first part of that ayah,” I said, “the promise of increase. But the second part—the warning—is just as profound. Because the punishment isn’t only external. It’s internal. Allah knows best!
When we dwell in negativity, we literally train our minds to expect pain. When we cultivate positive self-talk full of rahma we increase gratitude, we train them to receive mercy. The reward and the punishment exist within the very architecture of the brain Allah designed, subhanallah!
Maya was quiet. I could hear her breathing soften.
“Subhanallah,” she said. “So when I keep saying I’m a failure…”
“You’re teaching your brain to believe it,” I replied gently. “But when you say, ‘Allah is guiding me through this,’ you’re retraining your mind and then heart to trust His mercy.”
The Turning Point
“But what if I don’t believe the positive words yet?” she asked.
“You don’t have to believe them immediately. You just have to choose them. Because Allah says:
‘And do not rely upon yourself, for man becomes transgressor when he thinks himself self-sufficient.’ — (Surah Al-Alaq, 96:6-7)
When you speak good words for the sake of Allah, He is the One who changes your heart to match them.”
“So even if I’m angry?”
“Especially when you’re angry,” I said. “That’s where it began for me. I made a vow to speak only beautiful words—especially when angry.
At first, I thought it was only about how I spoke to others.
Then, one day, I realized to be merciful to others I had to first be merciful to myself. I put up a sticky note above my desk. I had written: ‘Cultivate beautiful words especially when angry,’ and I added ‘to yourself.’
That’s when the real purification began.”
Maya’s Reflection
Maya’s voice softened.
“So, it starts with intention, du’a, awareness, and reframing?”
“Yes,” I said. “But the reframing isn’t psychological—it’s spiritual. Traditional psychology says to replace a negative thought with a rational one, but for me, that never worked. I needed Allah in the center of my thought.
When I remembered Him, my mind calmed. When I forgot Him, my thoughts turned against me.”
She exhaled again, longer this time, a sigh that sounded like release.
“I think I understand now. I’ve been trying to fix myself instead of asking Allah to fix me.”
“Exactly,” I said. “Purifying our thoughts isn’t about perfection—it’s about reliance on Allah. You bring the niyyah, catching the negative talk, and the du’a, and Allah brings the transformation, InShaaAllah. Remember what Allah said:
The Thunder (13:11)
لَهُۥ مُعَقِّبَـٰتٌۭ مِّنۢ بَيْنِ يَدَيْهِ وَمِنْ خَلْفِهِۦ يَحْفَظُونَهُۥ مِنْ أَمْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّىٰ يُغَيِّرُوا۟ مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ ۗ وَإِذَآ أَرَادَ ٱللَّهُ بِقَوْمٍۢ سُوٓءًۭا فَلَا مَرَدَّ لَهُۥ ۚ وَمَا لَهُم مِّن دُونِهِۦ مِن وَالٍ ١١
For each one there are successive angels before and behind, protecting them by Allah’s command. Indeed, Allah would never change a people’s state ˹of favour˺ until they change their own state ˹of faith˺. And if it is Allah’s Will to torment a people, it can never be averted, nor can they find a protector other than Him.
When we finished talking, Maya thanked me through tears, her voice lighter than when she called.
And I realized something again: this—this conversation, this reminder—is part of the PAUSE Framework too.
It’s a living work, still unfolding, still breathing into being with every new test, every new understanding.
Journaling Prompt
What thought do you need to purify today?
Catch it.
Name it.
Then make du’a Allah to transform your thoughts to that pleasing to Him.
And keep on repeating! Keep on striving for the sake of Allah.
Much love 💕,
Nour Cauveren
Author’s Note
This week, I had two appointments on opposite sides of the city. The first one should’ve been easy to get to, but after three cancelled trams and a forty-five–minute delay, I finally arrived only to hear, “We don’t have an appointment for today, it’s actually tomorrow.”
I thought, Fine, I’ll just go to the next one — I have more than an hour to get there.
Except what should’ve taken thirty minutes ended up taking two hours. Buses were cancelled, the route changed, and at one point, I even got on the wrong bus.
That’s when it hit me. I was getting angry, frustrated, and tired of everything going wrong — and then I remembered: Everything Allah chooses for me is good.
So instead of complaining, I said Alhamdulillah.
And in that exact moment, the grey sky lifted. The bus turned, sunlight spilled across my face, and there it was — a rainbow. I just sat there smiling, realizing that if I’d stayed caught up in my thoughts, I would’ve missed that small mercy from Allah.
By the time I got to my appointment, I was half an hour late, but they were kind and accommodating. It all went well in the end.
It made me think — my next step in purifying my thoughts is to catch myself when I start complaining and practice loving Allah’s Qadr, even in the small inconveniences. Because sometimes, the rainbow only appears after you stop talking about the rain.
I’d love to hear from you — what’s one moment when you caught yourself complaining, then saw the mercy in it instead?