What no one tells you about surrender!
But what you need to know
﷽
Dear Readers,
This is part one of a heartfelt seven-part series titled “The Heart in Hardship: Lessons from My Hospital Bed,” where I delve deeper into the personal insights and spiritual lessons I gained during my recent hospitalization. While I have previously shared glimpses of this journey, this series aims to provide a more profound exploration of the challenges I faced and the transformative impact they had on my heart and soul.
In earlier reflections, I recounted how, during a critical moment, Shayṭān attempted to sway me as I faced a life-threatening situation. This experience illuminated the subtle ways in which distractions can divert our focus from Allah ﷻ, especially during times of trial.
After my surgery, there was a moment, somewhere between the sterile hospital walls and the relentless beeping of machines, that I realized something had shifted. It wasn’t my body—I was still weak, my limbs refusing to cooperate the way they once did. It wasn’t my circumstances—I was still surrounded by an unrelenting lack of privacy, male nurses walking in unannounced, curtains drawn but never truly shielding me from the outside world. No, the shift was something deeper, something more insidious.
It was my heart.
When I first arrived at the hospital, my focus had been clear. The severity of my condition made my dependence on Allah immediate and urgent. I was reciting Surah Al-Baqarah despite being intubated, whispering du’as in the brief moments of consciousness I was given. My heart was turned toward Him in a way that felt pure, uncluttered by the world.
But slowly, almost imperceptibly, I became consumed with something else.
Why were my prayers constantly interrupted? Why couldn’t people respect the sanctity of my hijab? Why was privacy such an impossible request? It wasn’t just frustration; it was a sense of injustice, a need to fight for what was right. And yet, in that very fight, I was losing something far greater.
Shaytan was deceiving me, and I didn’t even see it happening.
Surah Al-Baqarah 2:268 Allah warns us:
ٱلشَّيْطَـٰنُ يَعِدُكُمُ ٱلْفَقْرَ وَيَأْمُرُكُم بِٱلْفَحْشَآءِ ۖ وَٱللَّهُ يَعِدُكُم مَّغْفِرَةًۭ مِّنْهُ وَفَضْلًۭا ۗ وَٱللَّهُ وَٰسِعٌ عَلِيمٌۭ ٢٦٨
The Devil threatens you with ˹the prospect of˺ poverty and bids you to the shameful deed ˹of stinginess˺, while Allah promises you forgiveness and ˹great˺ bounties from Him. And Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing.
— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran
Shaytan doesn’t always come to us in the ways we expect. He doesn’t always whisper blatant sin into our ears. Sometimes, he takes something good—our sense of justice, our desire for dignity—and warps it into a distraction. He shifts our focus just enough that we no longer see the real test in front of us.
For days, I wrestled with these thoughts. Why was I letting these things bother me so much? Why couldn’t I just let go? Why not, like the women of Palestine, simply wear my hijab 24/7 and accept that privacy was a luxury I would not have here? What had changed?
I searched for answers, turning to my studies. I had a course from Al-Maghrib Institute on the deception of Shaytan, and as I revisited the lessons, it hit me. My ibadah had diminished. The dhikr that had once filled my heart was now replaced with anger. My du’as had been eclipsed by complaints. My focus had shifted from Allah to the injustice—and therein lay the deception. Shaytan had taken my nafs, my natural sense of justice, and used it against me.
The root word for distraction, lahw (لهو), means to divert from something good. It is not just about being consumed with entertainment or wealth or dunya-related concerns. It is also about what happens in the midst of a test—when Shaytan sees an opening and pulls us away from the remembrance of Allah, making us fixate on the external instead of the internal.
Once I understood this, I knew I had only one choice: surrender. Not to the injustice, but to Allah. This was His test for me. And I had been failing it.
So I changed. I adjusted. I stopped fighting what could not be changed. I slept with my hijab beside me, ready for any moment. I learned the hospital’s rhythms, the times when staff would come, so I could prepare in advance. And more than anything, I let go of the resentment. I chose instead to focus on what I could control—my heart, my connection with Allah, my remembrance of Him.
And the moment I let go, the moment I surrendered to the Decree of Allah, my heart found peace. The frustration lifted. The anger melted away. And I returned to the ibadah that had once been my lifeline.
This lesson is not just for me. It is for all of us.
Shaytan will not always attack you where you expect. Sometimes, his greatest deception is to take something that feels righteous and make it your obsession. He will make you fixate on injustices, on the flaws of others, on the things that take you away from the remembrance of Allah—even if they seem like worthy battles. And the only way to defeat him is to see through the deception, to recognize when your focus has shifted away from Allah and to return. To surrender. To accept that sometimes, the test is not in the struggle, but in the letting go
Ask yourself
What distractions has Shaytan placed in your heart?
What is pulling you away from Allah, disguised as something noble, something justified?
It is time to let go. To refocus. To return to Him.
Ramadan Challenge: Loving the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ)
I’m so excited to announce that I’ll be hosting a Ramadan Challenge on Instagram this year, and I want YOU to join me! 🌙✨
The theme for this year’s challenge is Loving the Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ). We’ll explore the depth of our love for him and how we can embody his teachings in our daily lives, especially during this blessed month.
Every day, I’ll share reflections, reminders, and actionable steps to help us strengthen our connection to the Prophet (ﷺ) and live out his example of compassion, humility, and devotion.
This challenge is all about deepening our love and following the Sunnah in a meaningful, practical way—whether it’s through supplications, acts of kindness, or simply remembering him with a grateful heart.
If you’re ready to take this journey with me, follow me on Instagram at @nourcauveren, click here to follow me! or use the QR code below:
And invite your friends!
Let’s come together as a community and make this Ramadan a time of deep reflection, devotion, and love for our beloved Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ).
I can’t wait to share this journey with you all!
Much love 💕
Nour Cauveren
The test is not in the struggle but in letting go<This hits deep.