Will Allah Answer My Dua?
Tackling mindset issues that get in the way of dua.
﷽
We all have wants, longings, secret dreams we're afraid to act on, and needs that are unmet. Have you been making dua for what you want? Or does it feel like you've been making dua for so long that your dua feels disconnected, or maybe you've already given up? Perhaps are you afraid to even make the dua in the first place because you don’t feel worthy or think that Allah will not answer your dua?
Today, we are going to talk about dua and, in particular, what stands in the way of us making duas as we prepare for the Day of Arafah, a time when everyone, including non-pilgrims, are encouraged to make dua.
We were all children once, and as young children, we were accustomed to asking for what we wanted. Toddlers, in particular, are demanding when they what something, and there's a lesson in this for us as well. A child is dependent on their adult caregiver. They have no issue with this dependency; in fact, in healthy families, the adults in the child’s life offer a much-needed sense of safety and care, fulfilling the child’s needs. In our relationship with Allah we are like dependent children, because we need Allah for literally everything.
We Are in Need of Allah
When it comes to dua, understanding that we are in utter need of Allah, like a child is for their caregiver, is crucial. Without Him, nothing will happen. It's easy to fall into feeling self-sufficient and forgetting that we need Allah (SWT) for absolutely everything. Allah has even warned us against self-sufficiency in the Quran in Surah Al Alaq:
96:6 كَلَّآ إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَيَطْغَىٰٓ
96:7 أَن رَّءَاهُ ٱسْتَغْنَىٰٓ
Most certainly, one exceeds all bounds
once they think they are self-sufficient.
I remember the first time I grasped the idea that I wasn’t self-sufficient. It made me feel uncomfortable, and that discomfort made me feel ashamed—a good shame that drew me back to Allah. It created in me a desire to do better, and I would start by making more dua. By stopping to ask for Allah’s help throughout my day, I was putting into action the acknowledgment of my utter need for Allah.
Feeling Unworthy of Asking
Back in my coaching days, one reason I often heard for not making dua was not feeling worthy. Some women would say they felt guilty for asking for more or that they didn’t feel they deserved a yes to their dua. When I dug a bit deeper, most of it stemmed from a fear of Allah (SWT) not answering their duas, or it being a no, and that making them feel unworthy.
This mindset will keep you from getting closer to Allah and, by default, you are also making internal statements about Allah (SWT) that need to be challenged. Here’s why:
Allah determines your worthiness and when, how, and why duas are answered. Your role is simple: To call out to your Lord with sincerity and to believe with yaqeen (unshakable certainty) that Allah will give you what is best for you. Plus, be contented with His decree.
Dua is an act of worship, and it shows that you are admitting your utter desperate need for Allah (SWT). To make dua is to not only worship Allah but to humble yourself before Him.
Ibn Mas’ud reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Ask Allah for His favor as Allah Almighty loves to be asked. Among the best acts of worship is to patiently wait in expectation of relief.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 3571
Challenging Feelings of Unworthiness
The best way to challenge your feeling of unworthiness is by actually making those duas you feel unworthy to make and adding to that dua, a dua to help you overcome those feelings. It is only by the help of Allah that you will overcome it. And what better way than by relying on your Rabb!
Another thing I heard a lot as a coach was that the idea of making a particular dua had not come up. In the previous paragraph, I advised that you make a dua to help you overcome feelings of unworthiness when making dua. Have you ever considered that before?
Don’t worry if you haven’t; it’s common. But now that you are aware of it, you can start expanding your duas by making duas for all your needs, big and small.
Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Let one of you ask his Lord for his needs, all of them, even for a shoestring when his breaks.”
Making Dua for A Big and Small Daily
Over the past month, I had two unfortunate plumbing issues. For context, plumbing issues stress me out, and I tend to get panicked. I was doing my best, but nothing was working. Then I made dua, and in both instances, the next move I made resolved the issue. It may seem like something mundane but making dua for all our needs, brings us closer to Allah. You want to get to work without getting stuck in traffic, ask Allah, make dua. One of my favorite duas to make is dua istikhara.
Increasing Dua Istikhara
Many Muslims think that dua istikhara should only be done for major life decisions and that you must pray two rakah (units of prayer) and then make your dua. However, dua istikhara can be made at any time for anything. For example, making dua istikhara when you are in the supermarket. I once had an incident in a supermarket after making dua istikhara where I was unable to have my payment clear. I live in a largely cashless society, and no matter how many times I swiped my debit card, the transaction failed. I had sufficient funds but still the payment wouldn’t clear. After about the 5th try and a supermarket employee watching me, I finally remembered I had made dua istikhara. I decided to put back items and, before choosing the items to put back, I made another dua istikhara. This time the transaction went through without a problem. I don’t know which item wasn’t good for me, but I know that Allah is the best of Planners, and that is all we need to know!
The Impact of Dua Istikhara
Dua istikhara has been a game-changer for me since I started to make it a part of my daily life. By making dua istikhara several times a day, I am reminded of Allah, and I am more mindful. It has also helped me to detach from the outcome, and when I find myself still attached to the outcome, I remind myself that the outcome is Allah’s Qadr. When we make dua istikhara, part of wording is asking to be contented with the outcome. This last part is sometimes really difficult to accept, especially if what is best for you is not what you made dua for. But this is where trust in Allah (SWT) comes in.
Learning to Trust Allah
Recently, I bought a floor (back in January) and made dua istikhara. But the outcome turned out to be a nightmare. I am still waiting for the floor to be finished. I don’t believe buying the floor wasn’t good for me. But I hadn’t expected it to end up being such a challenge for something that should have been straightforward. But thinking back to the wording of dua istikhara made me realize the blessings. Let’s take a look at the wording :
“O Allah, I consult You through Your Knowledge, and I seek strength through Your Power, and ask of Your Great Bounty; for You are Capable whereas I am not, and You know and I do not, and You are the Knower of hidden things. O Allah, if You know that this matter (and name it) is good for me in respect of my Deen, my livelihood, and the consequences of my affairs, (or he said), the sooner or the later of my affairs then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me. But if You know this matter (and name it) to be bad for my Deen, my livelihood, or the consequences of my affairs, (or he said) the sooner or the later of my affairs then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and grant me the power to do good whatever it may be, and cause me to be contented with it). And let the supplicant specify the object.” Al-Bukhari
You are asking Allah for His guidance and for Him to provide from His bounty. You are admitting that you are utterly in need of Allah because He is the One who provides.
Regarding my floor, I did my homework when deciding on a floor to buy, made a decision, and made dua istikhara. But then why did it all go wrong after I bought the floor? Honestly, I do not know. But I have learned a major lesson which has positively impacted my deen. I realized that I needed to trust Allah more and feel in my heart that I truly only need Allah. This is a major lesson to learn and one that certainly helps me in this life and will be good for my afterlife, InshaAllah.
One challenge I found once I increased dua istikhara is that it began to feel like a routine. But how do you keep your duas fresh?
Crafting Heartfelt Duas
Dua needs to be an act that is done mindfully and with intention. For myself, I found the best way to keep my duas fresh is by learning Allah’s names and the attributes associated with those names. Calling on Allah by His Beautiful Names has also been a game-changer. Saying, Ya Rabb, Ya Salam, Ya Razzaq, and as I am saying it pausing and allowing my heart to connect with the meaning of the name, feels so intimate. It makes me feel closer to Allah and I get emotional even before I start to ask for anything.
Another thing that helps is gratitude. Part of the etiquette of making dua is to thank Allah (SWT). Try, before you make a dua, to sit and think about what you are grateful for. I find that writing it out helps me when I am in dua. When I am taking time to thank Allah for His blessings, it also makes me feel closer to Allah, and it makes my dua much more powerful and heartfelt. In addition, we are encouraged to praise Allah in dua, and I have found that by doing this, I am being mindful of who I am asking, namely the Lord of the Worlds. It reminds me of Allah’s Power and Might, and it boosts my confidence and my closeness to Allah.
Making Duas for Others
I have also found that making duas for others after I have made dua for myself boosts my spirits and attaches my heart more to my own dua. For example, several years ago, I had two friends who were both struggling with trying to have children. One faced fertility issues, and the other had two miscarriages in her eighth month. Making dua for them for several years made it easier to make dua for myself because it boosted my belief that Allah would answer my dua. Both of them are now mothers, MashAllah.
We, as an ummah, are now witnessing the oppression of our brothers and sisters in Gaza, Sudan, China, and more places we barely hear of, and this is a time to make more dua for others, particularly the oppressed of our ummah. I have been contemplating for some time how I can help, and I decided to launch a monthly edition of Sunday Serenity devoted to the oppressed in our ummah. It will be released on the last Thursday of each month, and I will focus on a story that has captivated me and craft a dua for that person from a place of sincerity.
As we approach the Day of Arafah, take a few moments to identify a specific dua that you have been hesitant to make. Write it down, and commit to asking Allah with sincerity and certainty. Remember, no request is too small or too big for Allah. Share your experience with us in the comments, and inspire and support each other in making dua a powerful part of our lives.
Coaching Question
Reflect on your current relationship with dua. What is one specific step you can take today to make dua a more sincere and consistent part of your daily life?
Much Love,
Nour
For some dua istikhara inspiration watch the following video: