How do I heal, when I feel so broken?

"I should be able to handle this on my own!"

Embracing Vulnerability and Seeking Help

Photo by Musindo Kahonde

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed you just wanted to crawl back under your blanket and pretend like the day had not yet started?

I remember a time when I felt so broken; I didn't know how I could ever pick up the pieces of me. I felt like I was searching for myself, looking in all the wrong places, trying to catch my scattered brokenness, felt like trying to gather up snowflakes in the middle of a blizzard. The excruciating emotional pain was unbearable, so much so that I disassociated from it, becoming numb.

I know that kind of pain, have lived it, survived it, and learned to thrive BECAUSE of it.

Today I am inviting you to explore the blessings that can come from taking our pain to Allah. Let's embark on a journey together, exploring the profound strength found in vulnerability and the transformative power of seeking connection with our Rabb (Lord).

Debunking the Myth of Independence

We tend to think that we should be able to handle our pain on our own. And this is the negative belief we will debunk in today's Sunday Serenity Newsletter.

Can you recall a time when you told yourself this? How did it make you feel?

Often trying to cope with difficulties on your own can lead to feelings of isolation. Being surrounded by people (family, friends, and associates) but feeling alone is horrible. It intensifies the feelings of loneliness. And it can lead to increased stress and negatively impact your mental health, interpersonal relationships, and overall well-being.

I heard sisters saying time and time again to me in coaching, “I should be able to handle this on my own. Allah is all I need” And while this is true, we only need Allah, He, the Lord of the Worlds, has sent you help in many forms.

Photo by Erik Mclean

Turning to Allah: Lessons from Surah Taha

To debunk this negative belief, let's turn to a gem from the Quran. In Surah Taha Musa (Moses), peace be upon him, had to face Pharaoh, and Musa was scared. Imagine having to face the worst tyrant who ever lived, who would make that school bully look like a Care Bear. It sends shivers down my spine.

20:25 قَالَ رَبِّ ٱشْرَحْ لِى صَدْرِى ٢٥

Moses prayed, “My Lord! Uplift my heart for me,

20:26 وَيَسِّرْ لِىٓ أَمْرِى ٢٦

and make my task easy,

20:27 وَٱحْلُلْ عُقْدَةًۭ مِّن لِّسَانِى ٢٧

and remove the impediment from my tongue

20:28 يَفْقَهُوا۟ قَوْلِى ٢٨

so people may understand my speech,

Wow, I am blown away by this scene. Let's draw out some lessons that you can apply to your daily life. Musa (peace be upon him) is showing his utter reliance on Allah. Musa is not trying to cope on his own. instead he is admitting his weakness to his Rabb and asking Allah for help.

Embracing Weakness as a Source of Strength

When was the last time you admitted your weakness to Allah? Even for something small like asking Him to make your household chores easy? Or ease carrying a heavy bag of shopping? I know the first time I was confronted with the concept of admitting my weakness to Allah, it dumbfounded me. It went against everything Western society had taught me about being strong. It took a long time to develop a love for being weak in the sight of Allah and admitting my weakness to Him.

What has resulted is an inner strength beyond words. Knowing that Allah is in charge, and that He has everything planned, and I can turn to Him at any time is incredibly empowering. But to get to this point, I needed to admit my weakness and my flaws to myself, and then to Allah. Of course, He already knew, but turning to Him and admitting I am weak and in need of Allah has strengthened my relationship with Him.

Conversing with Allah: A Personal Journey

I reflected deeply on the ayah in Surah Taha and I realized that Musa (peace be upon him) is having an intimate conversation with Allah. Now I can hear you say already, but he was a prophet and I am not. Talking to Allah is not limited to prophets. It is for every single person alive.

I struggle with this and recently discovered a diary my mother kept of intimate conversations with Allah; I wrote about it in my first article, Craving Balance? The Sunday Serenity Revolution Starts Here!

I certainly make dua but making it a conversation had not occurred to me. Somehow along the journey of life, I stopped talking to Allah as if I could see him. The little girl I once was with pigtails and gapped teeth certainly did speak to Allah as if she could see Him. Remembering my younger self, I pondered on the hadith:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, "Ihsan is to worship Allah as if you see Him, and if you do not achieve this state of devotion, then (take it for granted that) Allah sees you.”

How many of us are talking to Allah as if we can see Him, knowing that He sees us? For me it hasn't been easy and recently I developed a manner of speaking to Allah that makes me cry tears of love, each time, and this is the first tip I'll share today.

Practical Tip One for Our Deen: Conversing with Allah

Take the lesson from the above hadith and strive this coming week to worship Allah as if you can see Him. If this is a stretch, then to make it easier plan 2-5 minutes a day, choose a time that you know you will be free from interruptions, and sit and talk to Allah.

Sometimes it can be hard to talk to Allah; there are so many emotions blocking you. What I found helpful is to make a list. And if going through the list is too challenging, pick one thing off the list and talk to Allah about it. Another method is to write to Allah.

Recently I started to directly thank Allah in my gratitude journal, which I call my Alhamdulillah journal. For example, instead of writing:

Alhamdulillah I am grateful to Allah for……

I will write:

Ya Allah, I love you and I praise you, Alhamdulillah, Ya Salam, Ya Nur, thank you so much for…

I find that conversing with Allah by talking directly to Him and using His Names, fills my eyes with tears, and my heart softens, the distance between me and my Creator feels smaller and it is as if I can feel His presence.

Share your tips that have helped you transform your conversations with Allah. Sharing those tips can help to benefit others and I would love to learn from you:

Practical Tip Two: Seeking Help and Support

Tip number two from the deen takes us back to Surah Taha. Most Muslims know the famous dua (supplication) of Musa (peace be upon him) made which I quoted above, but how many of you know what Musa (peace be upon him) asked Allah for next in the same dua?

20:29 وَٱجْعَل لِّى وَزِيرًۭا مِّنْ أَهْلِى ٢٩

and grant me a helper from my family,

20:30 هَـٰرُونَ أَخِى ٣٠

Aaron, my brother.

20:31 ٱشْدُدْ بِهِۦٓ أَزْرِى ٣١

Strengthen me through him,

20:32 وَأَشْرِكْهُ فِىٓ أَمْرِى ٣٢

and let him share my task,

20:33 كَىْ نُسَبِّحَ

كَ كَثِيرًۭا ٣٣

so that we may glorify You much

20:35 إِنَّكَ كُنتَ بِنَا بَصِيرًۭا ٣٥

for truly You have ˹always˺ been overseeing us.”

20:36 قَالَ قَدْ أُوتِيتَ سُؤْلَكَ يَـٰمُوس َىٰ ٣٦

Allah responded, “All that you requested has been granted, O Moses!

What I love most about these ayah (Quranic verses) is that Musa (peace be upon him) is first turning to Allah, asking Allah to strengthen him with help from his brother so that they can carry the burden of the task together for the sake of Allah. There is power in seeking Allah's Help even when you are asking Him to help you by providing help from people.

When was the last time you asked Allah to send you help? Or seek Allah's help when you want to talk to someone. The next time you are feeling burdened or even now, follow the example of Musa, by praising Allah, thanking Him, and asking Him to send help. If you have someone in mind to help you then make dua istikhara, which you can do after performing 2 rakah (units of prayer) or on its own. Ask Allah for everything, big or small. He is Your Rabb and He will never disappoint you.

Think back to the stories of the prophets ; didn't they have help and support? So my friend, why are you trying to figure out everything on your own? Part of healing is to be open to healing and getting the help you need. But first and foremost relying on Allah.

Bonus Tip: Strengthening Your Connection with the Quran

A bonus tip for this article is to engage with the Quran daily. I will be writing in an upcoming article about the healing I have experienced through my relationship with the Quran. However, for now, I want to advise you to start building a stronger relationship with Allah's Book. The Quran has the answer to all of life's needs. I started with just reciting a few ayah of the Quran daily and now my heart is not able to live without the Quran; it feels lost if I wait too long to pick up Allah's Book and let it speak to me in ways that only my Creator can. A great app I have recently discovered that will help you engage more with the Quran is Nakhtem, [click here to learn more.]

Continual Reflection and Growth: Three Coaching Questions

We will talk much more about healing because it is a big topic that requires time and continual attention. For today, I want you to think more deeply about your relationship with Allah and ask yourself the following coaching questions, I advise keeping a journal if you plan to engage regularly in the coaching questions to keep track of your growth.

Pick up your Quran and open it to Surah Al Alaq, 6-7

96:6 كَلَّآ إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَيَطْغَىٰٓ ٦

Most certainly, one exceeds all bounds

96:7 أَن رَّءَاهُ ٱسْتَغْنَىٰٓ ٧

once they think they are self-sufficient.

Be Raw, Honest and Real with Yourself: Coaching Questions

1. In which areas of my life do I need Allah's help but have not asked?

2. What has been holding me back from asking Allah?

3. How can I make the Quran a daily part of my life, even if only a small portion?

Photo by Anete Lusina

Embracing Surrender and Serenity

I am going to journal those questions myself because it is good to continually review my relationship with Allah and His Book. Life is an ebb and flow of vulnerability and strength, and as we discover the profound beauty of turning to Allah, we grow closer to Him. Each day that we tread the path laid out before us, embracing both our fragility and resilience, let us remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a testament to our unyielding connection with Allah. Just as Musa (peace be upon him) was able to cry out to Allah for help for his burdens, so can you.

There is solace, strength, guidance, and safety found with Allah. You are safe with Allah. Allow your heart to draw closer to Him, to love Him more, to think of Him constantly, and to let your lips be hungry to remember Him and call out to Him. Allah speaks to you directly, my dear friend, you only need to open up the Quran and listen with your heart. Cry out to Him in dua, or remember Him, to name but a few ways of connecting with Allah.

What is your favorite ayah or surah of the Quran and why?

I'd love to get a conversation going in the comments that we can all benefit from. To kick it off, I will share mine. It is surah Ar Rahman, the first time I heard it as a fairly new Muslim, my heart knew instinctively that I was being asked something profound, and then I read the translation of the ayat Allah repeats thirty-one times I was blown away.

55:13 فَبِأَىِّ ءَالَآءِ رَبِّكُمَا تُكَذِّبَانِ ١٣

Then which of your Lord’s favours will you ˹humans and jinn˺ both deny?

I spent months contemplating these words and I realized that many blessings I just take for granted, and I made it my mission to be more grateful and mindful to Allah and to start by asking Him to give me the ability. From it flowed my Alhamduliah journal I mentioned earlier and so many blessings. The biggest blessing is the healing journey I am on. I feel so blessed to have struggled and lived through incredible pain because through it I got to love Allah more and ask Him for healing. It has been one amazing journey. I will be talking more about this soon, and sharing a tip I developed to increase your gratitude in 7 minutes. Be sure to subscribe and check out upcoming newsletters.

Now it's your turn, which surah or ayah speaks to your heart and why?

To know who Allah is is to love Him more deeply and intimately and one way to learn more about Allah's Beautiful Names and Attributes is by studying them. I highly recommend the video series 99 Names with Sheikh Ammar AlShukry:

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My second joyful pick is a book I just recently read as an early reader called The Power of Du'a by Aliyah Umm Raiyaan and here is the review I wrote on Goodreads for the book:

Aliyah has been the answer to many of my duas, and she doesn't even know it. This book is Allah using her for the third time in my life to answer my dua. I learned the power of dua from my late grandmother when I was 10 years old. She walked into the kitchen and proclaimed that we would ask Allah for some family matter that had been set in stone long before I was born. I remember asking her, "Why? It's impossible." She told me that nothing is impossible for God. I have lived by this idea since then, and this book came to me at a time when I was grieving the loss of my grandmother and other family members.

I never gave up hope on dua, but I was tired. This book is an answer to my dua, helping me understand why I was tired and how to overcome it. As I read page after page of Allah's mercy, answering duas and giving His slaves what they ask or saying no or delaying, I realized that my duas in the last few years have been delayed, contributing to my fatigue. I lost the emotional connection with my dua, and it bothered me. It's the first time in my life that it's happened to me. So I made dua, and I was invited to be an early reader.

Aliyah's book is a beautiful testimony of Allah's mercy and love for His servants. It will make you cry and release all your pent-up emotions. It's personal, raw, and real. Reading it has answered so many duas that I need to sit down and write them out to keep track. Yet, my big duas are not yet answered, and I am waiting. But reconnecting with myself and my duas emotionally because the echoes of the stories in this book (all true stories) have provided me with emotional motivation. They serve as a powerful reminder that Allah has not forgotten me!

If you have felt lost, hopeless, wondering if you're worthy, or feel tired like me, then please read this book. Get a special notebook to do the journaling exercises and make dua! This book has changed my life, lifted the full veil of tiredness, and reinvigorated my love and energy for dua! And my dua for you is to never give up on your dua, and for Allah to grant you all the best of this life and the next life. Ameen.

To order to book click here:

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Thank you for sharing this space space with me today. May Allah provide you with ease and help from places you can’t imagine, ameen.

I'm genuinely excited to hear from you! Share with me what resonated the most for you. Your insights truly make this conversation special.

Much love,

Nour Cauveren